You'll shoot your eye out, Matt!
by little-unoriginal-monster
Summary: Yes, yes. It's a parallel to A Christmas Story  which I don't own btw . Where all that Matt wants for Christmas is a BB gun... MxM. boyXboy. T mostly for cussing. Oneshot. Humor and Romance... shocker.


ZOMG. I don't own Death Note... The world is thankful that I don't.

Also, A Christmas Story (like I said in the summary-thingy) is not mine. The writer is Jean Shepherd and the director is Bob Clark. I give them credit and props for making such a great, classic movie.

**Spoilers of said movie in the following fanfic**

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**_*~December 21~*_**

A very disgruntled Matt threw the closest thing he could find when he first walked into his room (a pencil that was casually placed on his desk). Christmas was going to suck and no merry little kid that sings adorable Christmas carols can prove him wrong now. Whenever someone asked him what he desired for the glorious holiday, he would reply in the most earnest way possible and with an answer of pure truth: an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock. The boy adored games in which shooting took place, so it wasn't a surprise that he wanted a taste of the real thing one day… or at least a less violent version.

But no. All the boy heard after his request was a "You'll shoot your eye out, Matt."

This pissed him off to no end. _Especially_ if they added a 'kid' instead of 'Matt'. He had a good thirteen years on him, so didn't that mean that he officially should be addressed as a 'teenager' by now? Jeez, people have no respect.

"Is something the matter, Matt?" A curious white-headed boy asked as he peeked his head through the open doorway. When deemed safe, he slowly entered the small dorm room. "I heard yelling."

Oh shit, Matt didn't realize he was screaming his angered thoughts. "Uh, I'm fine, thanks. But I have a quick question."

"Yes?"

"What… do you think about BB guns?"

Near took in the question and analyzed it in his robot mind. After twirling his hair with his finger a few times he concluded that, "Matt, if you get one for Christmas, you'll shoot your eye out."

Fists clenched automatically. He could hit Near, right? It would sure please Mello to no end. But no… Roger would be royally ticked off and then there would be NO hope for his Christmas wish to come true. He took a deep breath and calmed his thoughts. "Thanks, Near. I think I need to think to myself for a little bit if you don't mind." He tried to say the most politely he could and with the biggest fake smile he could put on at that moment. The albino nodded and exited the room in the same slow fashion as he had entered. After finally closing the door behind him, Matt belly-flopped on his bed and let happy day dreams come to him…

_"Help! Help! Roger is trying to put me in the torture chamber!" A distraught Mello screamed out. He was currently tied to a wooden pole that was held on one side by Roger and the other by a zombie orphan student. Not only was he tied, but the blonde also wore a pink, frilly dress. It had three black bows across the chest and one big one peeking out from behind the dress. Yes, Mello was one pretty damsel in distress._

_Matt, in a hot black tux, rushed to the scene. "Roger! You monster of a caretaker… Give back Mello, now!"_

_Insert a maniacal laugh of a villain here. "Never! He has messed with my orphanage for the last time! Say goodbye to your precious roommate once and for all!" Him and his zombie lackey inched closer to a door that had a sign that read 'Misbehaved Orphans'._

_"Not if I can help it." He pulled out the beautiful Red Ryder and pointed it right at the old man. "Any last words?"_

_An evil grin formed on Roger's lips. "Yes. Minions, GET HIM!"_

_Instantly, twenty zombie orphans appeared out of nowhere. But this couldn't stop the great Matt. Oh, no. He was too skilled at shooting zombies for these level 6 n00bs. Groans could be heard throughout the room as he quickly killed off all the zombies. Finally, it was just Roger, Matt, and a shocked Mello. "Matt, KICK HIS ASS."_

_The redhead obeyed orders that Mello gave him all the time, but this one was his favorite so far. He lifted his weapon and shot Roger right in the eye. "HA. WHO GOT SHOT IN THE EYE NOW, BITCH?"_

_"AAAAHH!" The grey haired man covered his injured eye and fell to the floor, dropping Mello in the process._

_"Don't worry, Mels!" Matt swooped in and caught Mello and the pole he was tied to right before it hit the ground. "See? You're safe with me."_

_After untying the other boy, Matt was glomped and attacked with multiple kisses of gratitude. "Oh, Mattie, I knew you'd come to my rescue! I love you soooo much!" Another kiss landed on Matt's right cheek which produced a small blush._

_"I couldn't have done it without my Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range-"_

FLICK

"Ow, what was that for? I was having a good dream." Matt complained as he sat up in his bed. A glare directed itself at the owner of the finger that flicked him.

Mello shrugged as he sat in the bed that was across from Matt's. "I was bored. What was your dream about if it was so good then? Hm?"

"Oh, nothing… I kinda forgot." Matt started fiddling with his sheets as he glanced at the floor. No way in hell was he going to tell the blonde that the best part of the whole thing was that the other was wearing a dress… or that he kissed him.

Mello raised an eyebrow but decided not to pry further. "So, you've been all depressed lately. What gives?"

The gamer's head snapped up. Did he hear him correctly? Was Mello really asking about his feelings? _Mello_? "Uh, remember when I told you about the BB gun rifle I wanted?"

"Yes…?"

"Every time I tell somebody about it, they always say the same thing. That I'll 'shoot my eye out' or some stupid shit like that."

"Well, they are kinda right." Mello smirked.

"Hey! What the hell! Who's side are you on?"

Mello's hands rose up right above his lap and waved for Matt to calm down. "Dude, have you ever had any real experience with a gun, or even a toy gun for that matter?"

The redhead paused. "No."

"Exactly. You'll shoot your-"

"SHUT UP. I'M TIRED OF HEARING IT!" Matt yelled as he hid himself under his covers. The angered boy could hear muffled footsteps that were coming closer and closer to his bed.

"Mattie…"

"Stop talking! Leave me alone!" A single tear left Matt's eye. He couldn't let Mello see how much of a wimp he really was, but it wasn't his fault. It had just been a very frustrating day that anyone would get really upset over. Even if he had to yell at Mello to hide his shame, he couldn't take it anymore. Not only did everyone around him remind him of the big consequence of having his desired Red Ryder, but now Mello? His beloved best friend? All hope was lost now.

**_*~December 25th~*_**

Socks. Great. Thanks Roger. That's exactly what I wanted for Christmas.

Douche bag.

What the fuck, Linda? Why did she draw a picture of me and Mello hugging. I swear, she needs to be in one of those _special _orphanages.

Okay. Gran Tarismo 5 is a nice gift. Thanks L. No sarcastic comments for this one, it's the shit.

Where was Mello? He should've been in the main room an hour ago. Maybe the freak was still doing his hair or some stupid shit like that. Matt got up from his seat of presents and headed to the dorm house. Scratching at the band that held his goggles in place, he opened the door to their room. "Hey, Mels! I don't know if you know, but it's Christmas and gifts are being-" Matt's words were cut off by a present being shoved in his face.

"Merry Christmas, Mattie." Mello smiled sweetly as he put his hands behind his back in anticipation.

Matt looked questionably on the perfectly wrapped object in his hands, then back at the blonde. "Thanks. I think."

"Open it! Open it!" The grin on Mello's face was growing wider and wider as Matt started to tear off the colorful paper.

"Mello… you… you…" His jaw dropped. "YOU GOT ME A RED RYDER CARBINE ACTION 200-SHOT RANGE MODEL AIR RIFLE WITH A COMPASS IN THE STOCK. HOW CAN I EVER THANK YOU?" He grabbed Mello in a frenzied hug. "You're the greatest." He squeezed tighter and tighter as his excitement increased.

"Yeah, yeah… now let go…. You're… I can't breathe!"

"Oh, sorry." Matt's death grip released. Then another one ensued, but this time only for a second before he swooped down and picked up the packaged gun that had been dropped in the thanking process. He quickly tore the cardboard covering up and rushed outside to try out his new present.

It was cold outside. Snow fell everso silently on the calm day. Everyone had made their way to the main room in order to see what they got as presents. Since this was a orphanage of geniuses, nobody believed in Santa anymore or they never even did. Therefor making it pointless to say that their presents were from the big fat man of lies.

Making sure Roger or any other stray orphans weren't out there to ruin his fun, he picked the perfect tree with a metal "No Fun" sign to make his first target.

He loaded the gun up with some ammo before carefully adjusting it so that it could shoot right in the middle of the O in "No" on the sign.

The trigger pulled.

The bullet ricocheted off the tree and onto Matt who instinctively closed his eyes. The little teenager fell back in the impact and dropped the Red Ryder to the snowy ground. Pain filled in the boy's right eye. _Shit, I really did shoot my eye out. Everyone was right! Even that stupid sheep! They all are going to laugh at me when they figure out what happened when my eye's all bandaged. Mello will probably say something like, "I told you so." to make everything worse! _Then he brought a hand up to inspect the damage. There was nothing. Slowly, he opened his eyes to check his vision. It, as well, was fine. The only weird thing about it was that the snow was white, and not orange.

His goggles!

Rushing around in the snow, he frantically searched for his beloved goggles. He finally found them after he stepped on some stiff 'snow' that made a _crunch_ sound. Carefully, he lifted his foot to examine them. Yes, he officially was the biggest idiot in the world. Not only did he manage to shoot his eye, but he also marched right on his favorite lenses that shielded himself away from society. His butt collided with the icy floor. He reached out so he could feel the cracks in the lenses to really make sure they were broken. They were. Then the terrifying realization came to him.

What would Mello say?

"Hey, Matt? Where are you? Give me a try too, 'kay?" SHIT! Mello was getting closer and closer, he could hear the sloshing of the snow. Tears started forming on the corner of his eyes. Damn, he was so embarrassed. "There you are- Mattie? What's wrong? What happened?" Mello dropped to one knee as he held up Matt's chin to make sure the other wasn't harmed physically.

"I-I…" What the hell do I say? "I… got hit with an icicle. One from the tree. It really hurt, Mello." He buried his head in Mello's chest. He couldn't bare to hear the laughter of his best friend when he recognizes the utter BS of his words. But it never came.

Mello glanced at the tree in front of them. Sure enough, there were sharp little icicles that drooped under the branches. One hit from those and it's bound to hurt like hell. Then, he noticed the cracked goggles that laid beside Matt. Thank God he wore those and not hurt his beautiful green eyes. "It's okay." He draped his arms around the redhead and squeezed to assure him of the truth in his words. "You're fine, I've got you." He kissed the top of Matt's head and froze. Did he just kiss Matt's head… friends do that kind of thing, right?

Matt raised his head and gave him a blank stare.

"I… I'm sorry." Mello mumbled.

A huge smile crept on Matt's face as he replied to his flustered friend. "Don't be." He leaned up and kissed the blonde on his cheek.

Something in Mello snapped while he tackled the other boy to the ground. He gave little kisses all over Matt's face in excitement. How long had he wanted this kid to share the same feelings he had? A fucking long ass time.

Matt's smile grew bigger as he giggled at every kiss. His day dream four days ago at least partially came true and his little white lie was flawless.

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YAY. yes. Soo... I made this for my In Sickness and in Health series but not only did Matt only get a little hurt, but this was also long as fudge for it to be considered a small drabble... at least in little-unoriginal-monster's book of writing, that is.

btdubs... Matt's a liar. Santa exists and will forever give the orphans presents, even though Roger changes the 'from' tag to himself to make it look like he actually cares about the children. HE'S THE ONE THAT'S A LIE.

Please review to tell me how you liked it :D


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